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Jan. 12th, 2010 10:49 amGrandson 2 and me Christmas. I look a fright, but he looks gorgeous!
I don't usually talk here about health issue, mainly because I have so many, and they aren't of interest, except to close friends, but I thought I'd share this. You might be interested. If not, well, there's plenty to look at on lj. :D
'In my thirty (twenty, forty etc) years as a specialist in this field, I have never...' (seen anything like it, come across this, not been able to, etc, etc).
If I had a pound for all the times this had been said to me over the last forty-odd years, I'd have enough to...buy this week's lottery tickets.
It was said to me by three doctors and two technicians only yesterday.
It's always happening to me. Thirty two years ago I spent four months in hospital whilst they tried to find out what was causing all the weakness and pain I was getting. They could see the things that were wrong with my blood, etc - but a diagnosis? 'We don't know'.
This happened so regularly during the following years, I got used to it. 'Yes, we can see you have X, Y or Z, but why? We don't know.'
Fast forward to September 08, when I was in hospital for a month with a very painful condition - water around my lung. A pleural effusion, it's called. The consultant came to tell me it might be caused by cancer, TB or nothing at all - just arising from nowhere, with no indication why.
'It'll be nothing at all, trust me,' I said, as I looked at him wryly. He stared back, confused. He is a nice man. 'Trust me!' I said.
It turned out to be nothing at all they could see.
Yesterday I went to hospital for something called a 'fundal fluorescein angiogram' for which they inject yucky brown dye into a vein, and take pictures of the eyes to see why one has fluid on the macula. (The macula is the part of the retina responsible for sharp vision due to its high density of cone photoreceptors). The sight in my left eye had deteriorated. I thought it was the cataract. It wasn't.
Could they find a vein? Like heck they could! A vein was eventually found,(after six goes and a lot of plasters) and the dye injected, I sat with my chin on a shelf whilst some preliminary pictures were taken whilst the doctor waited for the dye to course through my system into the eyes. (Usually 30 seconds).
We waited, and waited. He took pictures. No fluorescence could be seen. Not a drop. My arm was extremely painful where the dye went in, and they thought it had gone into the tissues, not the vein.
They sent for the specialist who heads the department to see if they should inject some more.
I went to the loo and reported that my urine had - as was expected if the dye had gone where it should - turned bright fluorescent yellow. Everyone look flabbergasted.
Under the fluorescrope the skin on my face could be seen to be slightly yellow. The dye had got through.
The doctors went into a huddle across the room. Like a lot of partially deaf folk I can often hear more than is good for me.
Specialist #1: 'How can she see at all if the blood isn't getting through to the eyes?'
Specialist #2: 'I don't know.'
Story of my life.
Have to go back to see third specialist on 25 Jan. My arm is still aching like mad, bits of me went yellow, as expected, and faded. the pee is still yellow.
And I can still see.
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Date: 2010-01-12 11:32 am (UTC)I do hope this does turn out to be the "nothing at all" you usually have.
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Date: 2010-01-12 12:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 11:47 am (UTC)Still scares the pants off me when 2 doctors said on 4 different occasions said, 'no, of course it's not a dvt,' when it damned well was!
PS Your grandson is a handsome chap!
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Date: 2010-01-12 12:08 pm (UTC)He is the cutest thing, our Samuel, isn't he? xxx
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Date: 2010-01-12 11:50 am (UTC)Sending you all good and healing thoughts. Be well.
*hugs*
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Date: 2010-01-12 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 12:10 pm (UTC)When my mother was a young girl, she was told she would not live past her teens. Then, she wouldn't live past her twenties. Or her thirties. Or she wouldn't have the energy to raise a child. She beat all those odds but one, because the doctors just didn't know what to make of her.
You are a conundrum, a survivor against all odds, just like my mother. You prevail when you shouldn't be able to do so. Maybe God isn't ready to give up on you. Maybe you aren't ready to give up on yourself. *hugs you tight, but minds the sore arm*
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Date: 2010-01-12 01:03 pm (UTC)I haven't had my coffee so please excuse early morning blatherings... :D
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 12:17 pm (UTC)HugsXx
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 12:43 pm (UTC)And secondly, just before I read your entry I was in tears thinking about the results of hubbie's bone marrow test and how, if it is bad news, we are going to handle the months ahead. Then I read what you had to say and realised that just like you, he is very stoical and bears his pains without complaint. And he's a fighter so you have given me some cheer again.
I do hope and pray that your eye problem can be diagnosed properly as I know what it is like to be told one thing yet find it's another. You are a very inspirational lady and you make me feel humble *lots of hugs*
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 01:14 pm (UTC)I am so thankful you are here and writing and being such a bright light. It is so very strange to keep hearing "I don't know" but considering the other options, I am glad you keep hearing the "I don't know". It is frustrating though. Your body seems to like to mess with you and the medical world. The last part had me hurting for you. I can't imagine how painful that was. But, with all you go through, you still can bring a smile, a giggle to the absurd happenings.
I do hope the next result shows nothings.
hugs you very close sweet Ru xoxooxoxox v
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 02:40 pm (UTC)How frustrating, not to mention painful, worrying, boring, inconvenient, expensive and tiring to have to go again. I really hope that something comes of it and they do something to recitfy the situation.
I feel like they have never really taken your illness (whatever it is!) seriously. It is truly amazing, in the worst possible way, that this has gone on so long.
Goodness! I'm spending a great deal of my day furious. That can't be good. ;D
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 03:05 pm (UTC)I don't know how you keep your sense of humor, with all you go through, but I hope you know what an inspiration you are to me, personally. I want to be like you when I grow up. You're such a loving presence here. I sure hope the docs can figure out what's going on with you. *Hugs*
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 04:00 pm (UTC)I was reading a book just last night about how our brains really don't work all that well and how we tend to expect the same thing over and over when really everything is always different from everything else. But we just can't grasp such complexity and so we are just hard-wired to lump things together. You are the epitome of lump defying! It would be much more fun to be so special if it didn't make your life so unpleasant, wouldn't it?
I do hope that things get sorted soon.
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:49 am (UTC)In 1977 I woke up one morning and thought 'this is how normal people feel' - no aches or pains, nothing. For one day. But at least I know how it feels!
I am hoping to be sorted - into Griffindor, preferably! :D xxx
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Date: 2010-01-12 04:28 pm (UTC)*hugs you*
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-12 07:13 pm (UTC)Wish for your sake they could find out what's wrong and treat all those problems you have, but you are unique, it seems. Very frustrating, I should imagine :-/
Hugs my very special friend!
Btw, that pic of you with grandson is lovely and you look lovely, too :-)
XXXX
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:51 am (UTC)Thank you, my love! Keeping positive is my aim. Huggles xxxx
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Date: 2010-01-13 07:04 pm (UTC)(((((huggles back)))))
XXXX
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Date: 2010-01-12 07:25 pm (UTC)And I squeed to see the beautiful picture of you and your grandson. You are so precious to me. 'I don't know' why. ;-)
*hugs*
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 02:34 am (UTC)It seems you've survived for so long on 'don't knows'.. if there ever was an answer, would you really want to know?
I hope the arm stops hurting soon.. stay well, stay strong, stay you *hugs*
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:53 am (UTC)Hugs you xxxx
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Date: 2010-01-13 03:13 am (UTC)They call medicine the youngest science, because so much of it is guesswork. You are obviously one of the ones they fail completely to understand :-(
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Date: 2010-01-13 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 03:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 09:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 06:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 09:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 01:31 pm (UTC)But I'm glad the yellow faded, and even gladder that you can see!
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Date: 2010-01-13 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 11:14 am (UTC)Take care of you. xxx
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Date: 2010-01-15 11:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 08:32 pm (UTC)And you know how much you matter to me so I won't embarrass you further! :)
xxxxxxxxx
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Date: 2010-01-15 11:00 am (UTC)