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Feb. 11th, 2006 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ismeninPoor ladysunrope has an awful virus thing, but she did this for me today. Respect, man!!
So here, my friends is...
Part 9 - Home
Zeser had brought two horses with him for us to ride to the palace. I stripped Lij's of its gold brushed harness, and borrowed Heleb's old saddle. If Lij was supposed to be a servant, arriving in the courtyard on a gold saddled horse was hardly the way to accomplish our aim.
We rode into the palace through a small courtyard. It was nearer Menkh's quarters if anyone dared question why we had used it.
As we arrived, servants ran out and held my horse for me to dismount. Zeser, the soldier, had leapt off his before it had even come to a halt. No-one, I noticed with a grin, helped Lij.
I threw him my saddle bags and gestured brusquely for him to follow me. He did so, head bowed modestly as befits the servant of the Spouse of God.
I was feeling feverish. My arm was swollen under my clothing, but I did not want to say anything to Lij until we were safely inside.
We went straight to Menkh's offices where he greeted me formally, as there were servants about, and took us to so some chambers in a little used quarter of the palace where Lij would not be disturbed.
As he opened the door and ushered us in, he said that he had employed two new servants who knew nothing of the palace, or Lij, and were told - here Menkh had the grace to blush - that they were to serve a "friend" of the Great Spouse and turn a very blind eye to anything they might see on pain of death.
Lij embraced him. Menkh was taken aback, Lij was not given to much physical affection - except with the children and me - but it seems something had changed within him. Something that desired contact with those he loved. I could only rejoice at it.
Suddenly I felt dizzy and I grabbed the back of a chair for support. "Dom, what is it?" Lij's concerned face shimmered in my vision.
"I...feel..." but I had no time to finish. He led me to the bed, stripped me of my outer clothing and put me into it. He sent Menkh to get Soraya and to find the servants he had been given.
The servants came rushing in, and crouched on the floor at the foot of the bed. Lij said, calmly, "The Great Lord is sick. Bring water and cloths and oils. I will bathe him. When you have brought them, wait outside until I call you."
They nodded at Lij, thinking him a servant as they were, and were soon back with the required items.
Lij removed my under-tunic and washed my body, bit by bit, uncovering only that which was needful. The inevitable was approaching and I had no strength for deception.
I heard his sharp intake of breath. "Dom! How did...what...?" Realization dawned. "He did this to you? He dared to strike god's chosen mate?"
I could see his face. It was white with fury and distress. Soraya came hurrying through the door, began to prostrate herself, but Lij stopped her. "No need for that, Raya. My love is sick. Tend to him, please. He has an arrow wound in the upper arm. I fear it festers..."
His voice was quiet, but nonetheless deadly for that. Having laid her instruments upon a small table beside her, she busied herself with my wound. Lij asked, "Did you see these welts when Dom received them? Did you tend him after...?"
Soraya bowed her head, but kept her eyes on her task. "I did, Great One. He was badly beaten, but I think ...I'm sure ...in time the scars will fade. It is early days yet. I have seen worse stripes than that disappear completely. Hand me the smaller knife, will you, Lij? I need to cut..."
Lij wordlessly walked around the bed and handed her the knife. She had obviously heard the truth from Menkh as they came together to these rooms. She would not have dared to do that withhim.
Menkh entered, now, bearing more water and towels and a fine lawn nightgown of some beauty, embroidered, as I discovered later, with the royal colours of blue and turquoise, red and gold about the hem.
He put it on the edge of the bed. "Gia insisted I brought it, Dom. She will come to see you later. I will leave you, for now, to Raya's expert care."
I nodded. I did not feel well enough for speech. He spoke a few low toned words to Lij then bowed to him as he left. Lij bowed back, which made Menkh smile.
Lij came within my vision. "Would you like some juice, a hashkeh? There is some here." I nodded again.
Soon I felt the cup to my lips and a strong sting in my arm. Almost straight away it felt eased, particularly in my armpit.
I felt her squeezing, and heard Lij's sharp intake of breath as he saw the result of her operation.
"There was much poison in it, Dom. It looks better now I have freed it."
I could feel Soraya probing the wound, but I did not mind. I trusted her to know what she was doing.
Something was poured into it and a cool cloth placed upon it, and others on my chest and brow, and I was glad of their pleasant fresh feel.
I heard Soraya leave something for Lij to give me later, and after a few murmured words she left. I heard the door close, but I did not open my eyes.
Lij went out and spoke with the servants, who quickly brought whatever it was he had asked of them.
He came back to the bed and leaned over me, brushing the hair out of my eyes, then he wrung out the cloths and replaced them. "They will not disturb us, now, my love. Rest. I will lie here with you until you sleep."
"Kiss me," I said, quietly. His kisses were sweet upon my lips. I wonder how I could ever have mistaken another's taste for his. We are all wise in hindsight.
I slept.
*****
When I woke later I felt less fevered, but weak. The lamps were lit, and soft music was playing in the background. It was Lij. In the ten years I had been teaching him to play he had become extremely proficient, dedicating to the lessons as much energy as he put into anything he did.
He was playing a love song I had written for him; "How Shall I Tell The Beauty of Thine Eyes?" My heart filled with longing, but I was amazed when I heard he was singing it. I knew he could dance - but I had not known his singing voice had deepened into such an erotic tone.
Dom puts down his work. What happened next would not be recorded on papyrus for any scribe to read but nevertheless it was important to remember and remembered it was for Dom burns at the memory. It is etched in his thoughts and if he casts back all those years he can see it as if it was happening in this very room.
*It was true he could make me hard by just looking at me, but to listen to that sound was as sensual a thing as I had ever heard. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. I called softly from the bed, not willing to disturb the mood he had created. He put the harp down and walked swiftly to me. Standing at the foot of the bed he looked at me. Such a look of love.
Then he lifted the sheet and crawled up as a properly trained bed slave would. "You require me, my lord?" he said with a tender smile. I could see the pupils of his eyes had opened up so much as to almost swallow the blue.
I could smell his arousal over the scent of the unguents Soraya had used on my body.
He rested his head in my groin, which showed him plainly my condition. He kissed me gently there, his lips brushing over my heat, his hands gripping around my waist.
"Do you want me, Dom?" he said on a whisper. "Are you well enough for this, a stor?"
I swallowed and tried to make my voice sound normal. "I want you Lij, as much as I have wanted you from the beginning. Come to me!"
He lifted himself upon my body, taking care not to touch my injured arm. His eyes pleaded with me. He needed to know, I could see that.
"Did you have joy in him, Dom? Did you think it was I? Was his body the same as mine? Did he make you feel like this?"
"No, I did not feel this with him," I whispered back. "But I truly thought it was you, Lij. I had no reason to think it was not. Do you think I could have slept with him if I had not thought it was you, my life? I promised you I would not, and I did not keep my promise, Lij. I am twice forsworn, for I let him take me, and I ...Garmen of Kishlan and I...."
My voice failed me. There it was. I was not worthy of him. Nor of the Land. I had failed them both. Men had died because of me. I was less than a man.
He felt the change in my body, the arousal dissipate. He raised himself on his elbows over me and kissed me. "And I whored for the captain to bring me home, Dom. We are both forsworn. But we cannot be blamed for it - for circumstances beyond our control."
He rolled over me and settled into my side. placing his left leg over mine. "Tell me of Garmen, Dom."
There was no condemnation in his voice, nor judgement. I looked at his face. It was as loving and kind as ever.
"I felt lost...abandoned. I thought I had heard you promise to kill our children and then...me. The pain was too much to bear. I lost the will to carry on…I could not see a way to prevent any of it."
He placed his head on my chest, and reached over me with his arm, holding me. "My love," he said softly. "My poor love."
I breathed more easily. "I needed something...someone to make me feel I was alive again. To make me feel strong against the despair. Garmen said that he had always wanted me..."
"I know he does," Lij smiled against my nipple, then worried it with his lips. "Go on."
"And I was lonely, afraid and sick at heart. He comforted me, Lij. He made me laugh. I took him, because I swore no-one would ever have me again... as...you did."
He kissed me then. "I wish I could say the same, Dom, but I cannot. I had to get home to you. Do you forgive me for it?"
"Of course I do," I breathed into his mouth. "And you...me?"
"My love," he whispered against my cheek, "on your part, there is nothing to forgive. Take me now. You need not move. Just...I need you..."
I had risen against him again. I had no resistance against the love and desire I felt for this man. "Do with me what you will," I said, my voice raw with longing, "for I am ever your slave, as you know full well."
He laughed, low in his throat and kissed me, hard, his lips trembling with his need of me.
"No, my lord, tonight it is I who am the slave. What shall I do for you, master?
I sighed, my lungs needed the air. "Touch me, Lij. Use your hands on me. I have missed your touch..."
He ran his hands over my body, squeezing, nipping, pinching, caressing. He knew I needed him to use me like this, and my body responded as the harp had to his fingers. I groaned with my need. I wanted him to be in me, but I was not sure I had the strength, and he knew it.
He rose up on me, lowered, taking me into himself. His body was hot; he sat there his knees astride my body, me buried up to the root in his warm silkiness. I tried to move, but he forestalled me. "Lie quiet, my love. I will do this for both of us."
He rose and fell on my body, one hand on my breast, the other on the bed giving him leverage. I looked up into his face - rapt with his desire and love- and the love I felt for him threatened to burst me asunder.
As I came the night engulfed me, and when I wakened, it was to find him holding me in his arms, whispering love-words into my ear. I had lost the power of coherent speech, so I just whispered "Lij," and smoothed his arm with my hand.
I knew for certain, now, that what I had believed before this dreadful tangle was still true. I loved him more than my own life. I would gladly give it to save him. I thought back to the impostor. No, I would not have done it for him. No. Never. So why did I not realize this? Why did I not know? I was too tired to speak this aloud. I just lay there and loved him with my thoughts and hands.*
The memories are as bright as day. The recalling of them leaves him as hard now as it did then. He marvels at this desire that has never waned in all the years. He marvels that he has known such joy and gives thanks to Anubis.
The sound of writing continues…
We lay together for a little time, and then Lij rose and washed me over with the cool herb scented water. Then he dressed me in Lygia's offering, the embroidered gown, and called for the servants to bring food.
*****
We had two days in the comfort of these apartments before Menkh came with news that he was expected back in the late afternoon.
I knew I had to be back in my own rooms by that time. I did not even wish him to know I had been injured in case he sent someone I did not know to poison me through the wound, which was still not healed. Luckily I had many robes and tunics that covered the upper arm. I would wear those. It was not too hot, now, to make the wearing of them remarkable.
My door would be locked. If he wanted me, he'd have to send for me. I prayed he would not want the use of my body. My mind, my soul and my love belonged elsewhere. If he demanded it of me, he should have it, there was no way of denying him and not making him suspicious, but it was all of me I intended to give him...my body. I knew already he wanted me dead and I knew he could order it at any moment as the fancy took him. Until we were ready, I would be a target. I prayed for strength and I prayed it would not be long before we were ready to denounce him.
*****
"It has to be in public, Dom," Menkh said, quietly. "Everyone has to see and know and understand that it was not Lij that perpetrated these outrages...Ankh-Aton, Rem-Opit, the guards..."
We were gathered in Menkh's office. It was large enough that prying eyes and ears would not observe anything, and it was normal for such people as were gathered to be there. Lij, of course, dressed in a plain tunic with his hair tied back, made the perfect attendant servant for this occasion.
Zeser, Ankh's brother shifted in his seat. "Knowing he is a false god, I do not know how I will be able to keep my hands off him," he said, in a voice suffused with rage.
Kerasonb, who had returned to court that morning, bit his lip. "You will do it, my friend, or you will fail - and die. The man is unhinged. I saw the glee with which he sentenced those poor guards to death."
Lij lifted his head. "I will place their names upon an obelisk, stating they died valiantly in the service of their god and king. They too, shall be buried with me. It was Rem-Opit's last wish. This is the least I can do - apart from assisting their families, of course."
He stared at the floor. "But I shall not be buried in the tomb prepared for me. He has sullied it, and besides that, I have no desire to be there, now." He looked up at me, love gleaming in his eyes. "I will be buried by the side of my beloved Spouse, in the tomb I have had prepared for him. We shall walk side by side in the eternities, together, as one flesh, as we are now, my Dom and I."
I did not know my heart could hold more until I heard those words. How I loved him!
*****
I was there when he drove his chariot into the main courtyard. Imhotep drove in behind him. I was heartened to see my friend still lived. With this man, one could not trust in it.
Half the court seemed to be gathered there, as if afraid their absence would show lack of interest in Pharaoh's health or welfare. The High Priestesses bowed low as he alighted. Soraya and Lygia were there, as they had returned to the palace that morning. They were no fools, and I hoped it was only I that noticed the rigidity of Soraya's back as she bent forward in the reverence.
His eyes met mine, and I could see immediately that he had not expected me to be there. Surprise and a flash of annoyance. I bowed low. "Welcome home, Great One," I managed with as much false sincerity as I could muster.
He walked towards me and patted my head as if I was a dog kneeling at his feet. I wanted to rise and spit in his face but I kept control as I listened to his greeting.
"I see you had a safe journey home, Dom," his smile as false as mine.
I rose and walked behind him through the corridors to his room. "Not quite without incident, lord," I said as we reached the doors. I found I could no longer call him Lij now I knew he was not my love. I wondered if he'd notice.
He made the right responses to my news of the attack, as I had expected. Curiosity, feigned astonishment and false concern. He was a liar of the highest degree. Now I knew what he was, it was so obvious. How blind I had been.
Bithar came in behind us and he said he would bathe, and asked me to join him. I thought rapidly, and came up with a meeting with the young priests to discuss temple matters. He graciously allowed this to be a reason for not detaining me.
"Come to me after the meeting, Dom," he smiled at me, knowingly. I knew that I could not refuse. Lij and I had both agreed that I had to suffer his use of my body, if he demanded it. Tomorrow was the Great Council. I would live, until then, on the memory of my Lij's love for me, whatever he did to me this night.
I went to talk to the junior priests for such a task would keep me away from him. I knew not if he had me followed and did not care.
I would be what I had to be. No more, no less.
*****
No soft touches, no embraces, no words of love and in truth I did not expect it. He had tried to have me killed and it had failed. Now, it was as if all pretence had gone. He used me as if I were a common whore from the docks. Animal rutting and pain. He was smiling as he used me: I could have wept with the pain of it, and, weakened as I was with the fever still upon me, I nearly did. I nearly wept because this...creature, one could not call him a man ...was so like Lij in appearance, yet laughed as another gasp of pain came from me. I held onto the thought of the one who loved me. This was necessary for his safety, for our future.
He dismissed me when he had had his use of me, but I knew I had to sleep in my own rooms. My absence from them would be noted if he sent for me again and I had slept elsewhere. Questions would be asked, I was sure of it. I did not want my Lij discovered. Not before we were ready.
I could not sleep, thinking of the morning - and what joy and sorrow it would bring us. This was with the gods. I prayed that night, we would be equal to it, whatever it was.
Just as I was finally sinking into sleep, I thought I saw Anubis standing in the corner of my room, his hand raised in warning. The hand clutched a snake, but I dismissed it as a sick man's dream. I convinced myself I was mistaken. It was weariness and the fever, I was sure of it.
How wise we are - as I have said - in hindsight.
ladysunrope has an awful virus thing, but she did this for me today. Respect, man!!So here, my friends is...
Part 9 - Home
Zeser had brought two horses with him for us to ride to the palace. I stripped Lij's of its gold brushed harness, and borrowed Heleb's old saddle. If Lij was supposed to be a servant, arriving in the courtyard on a gold saddled horse was hardly the way to accomplish our aim.
We rode into the palace through a small courtyard. It was nearer Menkh's quarters if anyone dared question why we had used it.
As we arrived, servants ran out and held my horse for me to dismount. Zeser, the soldier, had leapt off his before it had even come to a halt. No-one, I noticed with a grin, helped Lij.
I threw him my saddle bags and gestured brusquely for him to follow me. He did so, head bowed modestly as befits the servant of the Spouse of God.
I was feeling feverish. My arm was swollen under my clothing, but I did not want to say anything to Lij until we were safely inside.
We went straight to Menkh's offices where he greeted me formally, as there were servants about, and took us to so some chambers in a little used quarter of the palace where Lij would not be disturbed.
As he opened the door and ushered us in, he said that he had employed two new servants who knew nothing of the palace, or Lij, and were told - here Menkh had the grace to blush - that they were to serve a "friend" of the Great Spouse and turn a very blind eye to anything they might see on pain of death.
Lij embraced him. Menkh was taken aback, Lij was not given to much physical affection - except with the children and me - but it seems something had changed within him. Something that desired contact with those he loved. I could only rejoice at it.
Suddenly I felt dizzy and I grabbed the back of a chair for support. "Dom, what is it?" Lij's concerned face shimmered in my vision.
"I...feel..." but I had no time to finish. He led me to the bed, stripped me of my outer clothing and put me into it. He sent Menkh to get Soraya and to find the servants he had been given.
The servants came rushing in, and crouched on the floor at the foot of the bed. Lij said, calmly, "The Great Lord is sick. Bring water and cloths and oils. I will bathe him. When you have brought them, wait outside until I call you."
They nodded at Lij, thinking him a servant as they were, and were soon back with the required items.
Lij removed my under-tunic and washed my body, bit by bit, uncovering only that which was needful. The inevitable was approaching and I had no strength for deception.
I heard his sharp intake of breath. "Dom! How did...what...?" Realization dawned. "He did this to you? He dared to strike god's chosen mate?"
I could see his face. It was white with fury and distress. Soraya came hurrying through the door, began to prostrate herself, but Lij stopped her. "No need for that, Raya. My love is sick. Tend to him, please. He has an arrow wound in the upper arm. I fear it festers..."
His voice was quiet, but nonetheless deadly for that. Having laid her instruments upon a small table beside her, she busied herself with my wound. Lij asked, "Did you see these welts when Dom received them? Did you tend him after...?"
Soraya bowed her head, but kept her eyes on her task. "I did, Great One. He was badly beaten, but I think ...I'm sure ...in time the scars will fade. It is early days yet. I have seen worse stripes than that disappear completely. Hand me the smaller knife, will you, Lij? I need to cut..."
Lij wordlessly walked around the bed and handed her the knife. She had obviously heard the truth from Menkh as they came together to these rooms. She would not have dared to do that withhim.
Menkh entered, now, bearing more water and towels and a fine lawn nightgown of some beauty, embroidered, as I discovered later, with the royal colours of blue and turquoise, red and gold about the hem.
He put it on the edge of the bed. "Gia insisted I brought it, Dom. She will come to see you later. I will leave you, for now, to Raya's expert care."
I nodded. I did not feel well enough for speech. He spoke a few low toned words to Lij then bowed to him as he left. Lij bowed back, which made Menkh smile.
Lij came within my vision. "Would you like some juice, a hashkeh? There is some here." I nodded again.
Soon I felt the cup to my lips and a strong sting in my arm. Almost straight away it felt eased, particularly in my armpit.
I felt her squeezing, and heard Lij's sharp intake of breath as he saw the result of her operation.
"There was much poison in it, Dom. It looks better now I have freed it."
I could feel Soraya probing the wound, but I did not mind. I trusted her to know what she was doing.
Something was poured into it and a cool cloth placed upon it, and others on my chest and brow, and I was glad of their pleasant fresh feel.
I heard Soraya leave something for Lij to give me later, and after a few murmured words she left. I heard the door close, but I did not open my eyes.
Lij went out and spoke with the servants, who quickly brought whatever it was he had asked of them.
He came back to the bed and leaned over me, brushing the hair out of my eyes, then he wrung out the cloths and replaced them. "They will not disturb us, now, my love. Rest. I will lie here with you until you sleep."
"Kiss me," I said, quietly. His kisses were sweet upon my lips. I wonder how I could ever have mistaken another's taste for his. We are all wise in hindsight.
I slept.
*****
When I woke later I felt less fevered, but weak. The lamps were lit, and soft music was playing in the background. It was Lij. In the ten years I had been teaching him to play he had become extremely proficient, dedicating to the lessons as much energy as he put into anything he did.
He was playing a love song I had written for him; "How Shall I Tell The Beauty of Thine Eyes?" My heart filled with longing, but I was amazed when I heard he was singing it. I knew he could dance - but I had not known his singing voice had deepened into such an erotic tone.
Dom puts down his work. What happened next would not be recorded on papyrus for any scribe to read but nevertheless it was important to remember and remembered it was for Dom burns at the memory. It is etched in his thoughts and if he casts back all those years he can see it as if it was happening in this very room.
*It was true he could make me hard by just looking at me, but to listen to that sound was as sensual a thing as I had ever heard. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. I called softly from the bed, not willing to disturb the mood he had created. He put the harp down and walked swiftly to me. Standing at the foot of the bed he looked at me. Such a look of love.
Then he lifted the sheet and crawled up as a properly trained bed slave would. "You require me, my lord?" he said with a tender smile. I could see the pupils of his eyes had opened up so much as to almost swallow the blue.
I could smell his arousal over the scent of the unguents Soraya had used on my body.
He rested his head in my groin, which showed him plainly my condition. He kissed me gently there, his lips brushing over my heat, his hands gripping around my waist.
"Do you want me, Dom?" he said on a whisper. "Are you well enough for this, a stor?"
I swallowed and tried to make my voice sound normal. "I want you Lij, as much as I have wanted you from the beginning. Come to me!"
He lifted himself upon my body, taking care not to touch my injured arm. His eyes pleaded with me. He needed to know, I could see that.
"Did you have joy in him, Dom? Did you think it was I? Was his body the same as mine? Did he make you feel like this?"
"No, I did not feel this with him," I whispered back. "But I truly thought it was you, Lij. I had no reason to think it was not. Do you think I could have slept with him if I had not thought it was you, my life? I promised you I would not, and I did not keep my promise, Lij. I am twice forsworn, for I let him take me, and I ...Garmen of Kishlan and I...."
My voice failed me. There it was. I was not worthy of him. Nor of the Land. I had failed them both. Men had died because of me. I was less than a man.
He felt the change in my body, the arousal dissipate. He raised himself on his elbows over me and kissed me. "And I whored for the captain to bring me home, Dom. We are both forsworn. But we cannot be blamed for it - for circumstances beyond our control."
He rolled over me and settled into my side. placing his left leg over mine. "Tell me of Garmen, Dom."
There was no condemnation in his voice, nor judgement. I looked at his face. It was as loving and kind as ever.
"I felt lost...abandoned. I thought I had heard you promise to kill our children and then...me. The pain was too much to bear. I lost the will to carry on…I could not see a way to prevent any of it."
He placed his head on my chest, and reached over me with his arm, holding me. "My love," he said softly. "My poor love."
I breathed more easily. "I needed something...someone to make me feel I was alive again. To make me feel strong against the despair. Garmen said that he had always wanted me..."
"I know he does," Lij smiled against my nipple, then worried it with his lips. "Go on."
"And I was lonely, afraid and sick at heart. He comforted me, Lij. He made me laugh. I took him, because I swore no-one would ever have me again... as...you did."
He kissed me then. "I wish I could say the same, Dom, but I cannot. I had to get home to you. Do you forgive me for it?"
"Of course I do," I breathed into his mouth. "And you...me?"
"My love," he whispered against my cheek, "on your part, there is nothing to forgive. Take me now. You need not move. Just...I need you..."
I had risen against him again. I had no resistance against the love and desire I felt for this man. "Do with me what you will," I said, my voice raw with longing, "for I am ever your slave, as you know full well."
He laughed, low in his throat and kissed me, hard, his lips trembling with his need of me.
"No, my lord, tonight it is I who am the slave. What shall I do for you, master?
I sighed, my lungs needed the air. "Touch me, Lij. Use your hands on me. I have missed your touch..."
He ran his hands over my body, squeezing, nipping, pinching, caressing. He knew I needed him to use me like this, and my body responded as the harp had to his fingers. I groaned with my need. I wanted him to be in me, but I was not sure I had the strength, and he knew it.
He rose up on me, lowered, taking me into himself. His body was hot; he sat there his knees astride my body, me buried up to the root in his warm silkiness. I tried to move, but he forestalled me. "Lie quiet, my love. I will do this for both of us."
He rose and fell on my body, one hand on my breast, the other on the bed giving him leverage. I looked up into his face - rapt with his desire and love- and the love I felt for him threatened to burst me asunder.
As I came the night engulfed me, and when I wakened, it was to find him holding me in his arms, whispering love-words into my ear. I had lost the power of coherent speech, so I just whispered "Lij," and smoothed his arm with my hand.
I knew for certain, now, that what I had believed before this dreadful tangle was still true. I loved him more than my own life. I would gladly give it to save him. I thought back to the impostor. No, I would not have done it for him. No. Never. So why did I not realize this? Why did I not know? I was too tired to speak this aloud. I just lay there and loved him with my thoughts and hands.*
The memories are as bright as day. The recalling of them leaves him as hard now as it did then. He marvels at this desire that has never waned in all the years. He marvels that he has known such joy and gives thanks to Anubis.
The sound of writing continues…
We lay together for a little time, and then Lij rose and washed me over with the cool herb scented water. Then he dressed me in Lygia's offering, the embroidered gown, and called for the servants to bring food.
*****
We had two days in the comfort of these apartments before Menkh came with news that he was expected back in the late afternoon.
I knew I had to be back in my own rooms by that time. I did not even wish him to know I had been injured in case he sent someone I did not know to poison me through the wound, which was still not healed. Luckily I had many robes and tunics that covered the upper arm. I would wear those. It was not too hot, now, to make the wearing of them remarkable.
My door would be locked. If he wanted me, he'd have to send for me. I prayed he would not want the use of my body. My mind, my soul and my love belonged elsewhere. If he demanded it of me, he should have it, there was no way of denying him and not making him suspicious, but it was all of me I intended to give him...my body. I knew already he wanted me dead and I knew he could order it at any moment as the fancy took him. Until we were ready, I would be a target. I prayed for strength and I prayed it would not be long before we were ready to denounce him.
*****
"It has to be in public, Dom," Menkh said, quietly. "Everyone has to see and know and understand that it was not Lij that perpetrated these outrages...Ankh-Aton, Rem-Opit, the guards..."
We were gathered in Menkh's office. It was large enough that prying eyes and ears would not observe anything, and it was normal for such people as were gathered to be there. Lij, of course, dressed in a plain tunic with his hair tied back, made the perfect attendant servant for this occasion.
Zeser, Ankh's brother shifted in his seat. "Knowing he is a false god, I do not know how I will be able to keep my hands off him," he said, in a voice suffused with rage.
Kerasonb, who had returned to court that morning, bit his lip. "You will do it, my friend, or you will fail - and die. The man is unhinged. I saw the glee with which he sentenced those poor guards to death."
Lij lifted his head. "I will place their names upon an obelisk, stating they died valiantly in the service of their god and king. They too, shall be buried with me. It was Rem-Opit's last wish. This is the least I can do - apart from assisting their families, of course."
He stared at the floor. "But I shall not be buried in the tomb prepared for me. He has sullied it, and besides that, I have no desire to be there, now." He looked up at me, love gleaming in his eyes. "I will be buried by the side of my beloved Spouse, in the tomb I have had prepared for him. We shall walk side by side in the eternities, together, as one flesh, as we are now, my Dom and I."
I did not know my heart could hold more until I heard those words. How I loved him!
*****
I was there when he drove his chariot into the main courtyard. Imhotep drove in behind him. I was heartened to see my friend still lived. With this man, one could not trust in it.
Half the court seemed to be gathered there, as if afraid their absence would show lack of interest in Pharaoh's health or welfare. The High Priestesses bowed low as he alighted. Soraya and Lygia were there, as they had returned to the palace that morning. They were no fools, and I hoped it was only I that noticed the rigidity of Soraya's back as she bent forward in the reverence.
His eyes met mine, and I could see immediately that he had not expected me to be there. Surprise and a flash of annoyance. I bowed low. "Welcome home, Great One," I managed with as much false sincerity as I could muster.
He walked towards me and patted my head as if I was a dog kneeling at his feet. I wanted to rise and spit in his face but I kept control as I listened to his greeting.
"I see you had a safe journey home, Dom," his smile as false as mine.
I rose and walked behind him through the corridors to his room. "Not quite without incident, lord," I said as we reached the doors. I found I could no longer call him Lij now I knew he was not my love. I wondered if he'd notice.
He made the right responses to my news of the attack, as I had expected. Curiosity, feigned astonishment and false concern. He was a liar of the highest degree. Now I knew what he was, it was so obvious. How blind I had been.
Bithar came in behind us and he said he would bathe, and asked me to join him. I thought rapidly, and came up with a meeting with the young priests to discuss temple matters. He graciously allowed this to be a reason for not detaining me.
"Come to me after the meeting, Dom," he smiled at me, knowingly. I knew that I could not refuse. Lij and I had both agreed that I had to suffer his use of my body, if he demanded it. Tomorrow was the Great Council. I would live, until then, on the memory of my Lij's love for me, whatever he did to me this night.
I went to talk to the junior priests for such a task would keep me away from him. I knew not if he had me followed and did not care.
I would be what I had to be. No more, no less.
*****
No soft touches, no embraces, no words of love and in truth I did not expect it. He had tried to have me killed and it had failed. Now, it was as if all pretence had gone. He used me as if I were a common whore from the docks. Animal rutting and pain. He was smiling as he used me: I could have wept with the pain of it, and, weakened as I was with the fever still upon me, I nearly did. I nearly wept because this...creature, one could not call him a man ...was so like Lij in appearance, yet laughed as another gasp of pain came from me. I held onto the thought of the one who loved me. This was necessary for his safety, for our future.
He dismissed me when he had had his use of me, but I knew I had to sleep in my own rooms. My absence from them would be noted if he sent for me again and I had slept elsewhere. Questions would be asked, I was sure of it. I did not want my Lij discovered. Not before we were ready.
I could not sleep, thinking of the morning - and what joy and sorrow it would bring us. This was with the gods. I prayed that night, we would be equal to it, whatever it was.
Just as I was finally sinking into sleep, I thought I saw Anubis standing in the corner of my room, his hand raised in warning. The hand clutched a snake, but I dismissed it as a sick man's dream. I convinced myself I was mistaken. It was weariness and the fever, I was sure of it.
How wise we are - as I have said - in hindsight.
