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Seven Pillows 7 - The Umpire Strikes Black
I LOVE this by Prims! It is SO Lijah!! :D
Well, I am waiting for my groceries to be delivered so I have finished this. I know I should have been doing CD - 30, but hey...a girl can do as she pleases!
As far as I know, this is the last one in this series - but ya never know! A bunny might bite my bum sometime - who can tell?
So here it is
Seven Pillows - 7 - The Umpire Strikes Black
Prince Liyjah and Prince Domrah were now fully recovered from their ordeal with the Judhai-Stand, and the Spiked Prembles, and were, even now, perusing the pages of that wonderful - nay, twoderful - tome. 'The Scented Vegetable Plot ', by Shriek Osmosis the Triple-jointed.
"What do you fancy for tonight, Prince-of-Ten-Thousand- Thunderous-Ejaculations?" Dom asked, nibbling a piece of prune-apple pie. "What do you think - the Wobbling Turnip, or perhaps the Plunged Carrot?"
Lij shook his head. "I think we should try something a little more advanced, O Precious-Receptacle-of- my-Throbbing-Wand. What about the Glazed Mushroom? Or the Shocked Tomato? No! - I have it! The Starving Rabbit? Just the thing!"
Dom helped himself to one more slice of pie. "Do you remember the first time we tried that one, Lij, and I got the lettuce stuck in my...?"
Lij smiled, and softly kissed his lover upon his squashed-strawberry nose. "I do, indeed. The rabbit proved most useful, as I remember."
Dom shifted upon his cushions. "Well, we know better, now, do we not? A smaller lettuce, and a hungrier rabbit."
Lij drank his marmalady juice, and brushed the crumbs off his silken robe. "I shall call for Orlando. He has had a rabbit fasting all day. It should be ready should we encounter any, er... difficulties this time. Orli!"
But it was not Orlando who came at his call. It was Ann Drogenous, Lij's newest and largest wife.
"Spillbot klunchen pillbox august?" she asked, bowing low before them.
"ORLI!" Yelled Lij, even louder. He was learning Ruemanian, but hadn't grasped all the fundamentals yet. It sounded like she had asked, 'do you need the Whips?' and he was certain the Glut of The Starving Rabbit made no mention of Whips.
Then he looked at Dom who was staring, fascinated, at Ann's naked milk-pouches.
"I really like those," Dom managed, smiling sweetly at Lij. "they are so...so...kneady, if you know what I mean."
Orlando appeared at the tent-flap, with a basket containing a rabbit, and another with lettuces and a few un-sentient radishes.
"You Yelled for me, Lord-of-The-Sacred-Longham?" Orli asked, putting the baskets down beside the Seven Pillows.
"I think she said something about Whips, Orli, but I'm not sure. Can you check?"
Ann obligingly repeated her question and Orlando laughed. "She asks if you wish her to Strip, Lord! No Whips involved!"
Dom almost choked on his Wimble-fruit pastry. "Is she not stripped already?"
Orlando looked shocked. "By the Skin of Mothulus the Impetigoed, my Prince, no! She's wearing a skirt."
Both Dom and Lij studied the five inches of leather that encircled Ann, somewhere below her Navel. "Looks like a belt to me," Lij mused. "But tell her to take if off, Orli. We can further Dom's education before we engage with the Rabbit. But push the baskets apart, first. The Rabbit is Sniffing the Lettuce."
"Pringle Domrah Osmond blifrond molten Spreeze?" Ann asked.
Orli shrugged his shoulders. "She's asking if the Lord Domrah ever had a woman before he had her," he translated.
Dom blushed and shook his head. "Not good," Ann said, surprising the three men, by speaking words they could all understand. "Prince need babies. How babies get if no man woman have?"
Lij nodded. "She's right, by Kmart! Dom, we will have her teach you, and it may be I will learn something, too."
Ann obligingly took off her skirt and lay down. "Two button-holes and a button..." Orli translated her words. Then she spoke in Pring-Altarn again.
"Tickle Poke Thrust Groan Splash - Not enough," the Newest Wife said, staring at her Husband with sad eyes. "Me learn in Harem Ruemania. Taught to please my man. You all do wrong. I show."
"Go on, Lij. I'll watch!" said Dom, rather afraid he'd undo the wrong Button-hole.
Orlando and Dom watched carefully as Ann showed Lij how to proceed.
"Yes, yes, Yes, YES, YEEEEESSS!" she cried, a turn of the water-clock later. Lij coming to his senses, rolled carefully off her, being sure not to tip the lamp oil on her naked, glistening skin, and - exhausted - lay his head on her milk-pouches, and snoozed for a few minutes.
"It seems a lot of hard work for five Yes's," Dom remarked, ruffling Lij's hair as he slept, content, a milk pouch in each hand. "But he definitely Pressed her Buttons!"
"My Lord Prince do good. He listen to Ann. You now," she said to Orlando, then...Him!" She pointed at Dom with a finger glistening with sweat and melted beeswax, and Dom, terrified half out of his wits, backed into the Judhai-Stand and tripped over the baskets.
Two turns later, the three men lay, side by side on the Seven Pillows of Wisdom, as Ann Drogenous went off to run twenty miles through the sand dunes of Djellirole before practicing her wrestling holds on a pride of Fevered Scratchian Lions.
"So that's how you get babies!" Orlando said, as he held a crystal goblet of wine to Prince Liyjah's trembling lips.
Lij drank, and then coughed. "Are you well, Dom, Love of my Heart? Has she broken your Throngle? We'd only just got it working again."
Dom sighed. "No, it's all right, Lij, my love. But I must tell you this - and I mean it - Six babies, then I'm giving it up for good. I'll do it Once a year for Six years running, and that will be quite enough for me. It's far too exhausting."
"We could get Orli to do it for us all the other times. He's very pretty - I certainly would not mind some of my sons - or daughters - looking like him," Lij commented, looking slyly at the slave lying next to him. "What do you think, Orli. Could you do it?"
"I could, Lord-of-the-Mighty-Parsnip. But I want paying for it. It's slave-labour! Do that Twice a year - once for Both of you?"
Lij laughed. "Slaves do not get paid, Orlando. But shall we say... fourteen buckets of rubies and sapphires mixed - first grade? A year? And as many Prembles as you can use?"
Orlando went out, very pleased at the thought of his prospective wealth, and Dom asked Lij if he should let the Rabbit out of its cage. "Bugger the Rabbit, Dom - I need rest!.
***
Ten Years Later
"Well, that's baby number Thirty Six, Lij. And a beautiful child he is, too!" Dom said, as Ann brought in her latest offspring for them to see. "Is he yours or mine?"
"He both of yours, Lord Domrah. He will be Great Warrior for you. Look at him hands!"
The tiny hands were tugging hard at the milk-pouches, and Lij could not help but smile. He was a sweet infant. His skin was so black it was sheened with silver, and forcibly reminded Lij of the Singing Camel-Trainer from Nimbia who had come to them last year. But as he was a handsome fellow, Lij did not mind a few extra babies. He was getting good at it, himself, too, and hardly noticed the Lamp these days - But he still preferred his Dom.
"What say you, Domrah? Is he not like me?" asked the man with the porcelain skin and the bluest blue eyes Dom had ever seen.
Dom lifted the baby out of Ann's arms, and the child tangled its tiny fingers into Dom's long blond hair, and blew milky bubbles all over the front of Dom's new silk robes.
"He is your very image, Light of my Darkness! Listen! The others are coming!"
Very soon the large tent was filled with thirty five other children, all clamouring for their fathers' attentions, for all were owned by both Princes.
"Right, children, sit down nicely," Lij ordered, "and I will tell you the Legend of Hairy Blotter and the Battle of the Frenzied Squirrel that has come to us over the No-Food but Dessert of Djellirole."
The children sat entranced at Lij told them the much expurgated story of the Great Mage Hairy Blotter's fight with the Squirrel from Hell.
Then, two hours later, happily entertained, they kissed their fathers good-night, and went meekly off to bathe and to bed.
"Lij," said Dom softly as they lay in each others arms after the moons had risen. "We should be very grateful to Ann. She has educated our wives thus providing us with many beautiful children, and without spilling a drop of oil."
Lij kissed the tip of Dom's squishy nose. "I will make her the Umpire of Brown Mudpie, Dom. She will have a whole city to rule. She is a wise woman. And I shall give her Cuckold the Nimbrian; she seems to get on with him very well. He can be her Vizier...or anything else she cares to use him for."
"Is the Premble ripe?" Dom whispered hoarsely in Lij's shell-like ear. "I am desperate for Congress with you, Only Star in My Firmament. Take me!"
"Well, pass me the Invisible String, and we'll make a start!" Lij said, holding out his hand in the dark. "And Don't Drop it!"
Lij sighed as he placed his right leg around Dom's neck and his left about his own waist. There was no Lamp, and no 'yes yes, yes's' - but making love with Dom was like a rest in a calm oasis - except for the Premble pricking him in unmentionable places, and the string knotted tightly about his Longham.
Babies AND Dom. No prince could wish for better. As he pressed his love hard into the Seven Pillows of Wisdom, he thought - next year.... The Next Book. For Experts Only...'Mortha Stewpott's Advanced Icing Course...with Cherries.' His Longham twitched at the thought.
Lovely!
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I love the man-ip above... ;-9
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Hurrah for Ann and her magnificent milk pouches! I love the thought of Elijah and Dom surrounded by loads a babies. A marvelous ending to a wonderful series... though of course I'd never say no to more. ;D XXOO